1.53 Ava

Monte Vista

It was a dry, crisp day but cold as they all made their way to the grave where Ava was buried. Laura tried to turn away but Daniel wouldn’t let her. 

As he held her, he whispered in her ear, “I know this is hard but it will be good for us and the kids, we need to grieve together.” Laura couldn’t face him but in a weak voice replied, “I lost our baby and it’s my fault.” 

As they continued to walk to the grave where everyone was now waiting Dan firmly replied, “It was not your fault, it was one of those things. We lost our precious little girl and now she needs and we need to say our goodbyes.” Laura looked at her husband in the eye and said, “For our little Ava.”

Jake was holding onto Kay trying to hold back the tears but the harder he tried the worse he felt. The vicar was standing there saying his part as they all cried. Andrew was comforting Kirsten as the tears streamed down her face. Dan was crying with Laura and both Kirsten and Jake found that hard, seeing their Dad cry. Dan had never let his children see his vulnerable side because he thought it would show weakness but after he almost lost his entire family he learnt that he too needed to show he had feelings.

Then the vicar asked if anyone wanted to say anything, they all looked at the floor until the silence was broken by Laura. She stayed still looking at the grave and through her sobs said, “My beautiful Ava, I miss you so much. I fell in love with you from the first moment I held you in my arms. I love you more than you could possibly know and for the short time we shared you were my little angel. When your life was taken away, my heart broke in two. I was so wrapped up in my pain that I tried to block you out of my life. I pushed everyone away including your daddy because I believed I was the only one who was hurting. I’m here today to say I’m sorry for pretending you weren’t a part of my life because Ava you will always be in my heart. When you were in my arms I should have told you how much I loved you and always will.”

Dan held Laura close after she finished and then said, “Ava, I hope you are happy wherever you are. I always wonder what you would be doing if you were with us. I miss my baby girl and always have. I just hope you know that daddy will always love you and think of you every day, sweet dreams Ava.” Dan wanted to say more but was becoming chocked up with emotions.

The vicar asked Jake and Kirsten if they wanted to say anything but they both shook their heads. The vicar was about to say the final prayer when Jake found the courage to speak, “I held you in my arms once and you looked very pretty. I wish I had known you were my little sister but I didn’t for that I’m sorry. I would have liked to have known you because I would have loved to have been the big brother, teaching you things and taking you places. You may have even ganged up on me with Kirsten…the point is Ava I miss my little sister so I guess this is the only time I’ll get to say this…I love you Ava from your big brother Jake.”

Jake looked at Kirsten but she stayed silent because even though she was upset she wasn’t sure what to say. 

As they left one by one, they left flowers but Kirsten hung back for a minute and put a teddy bear by the grave and voiced, “Ava I don’t want you to be alone so here is my bear to keep you company, his name is Chocolate. Take care of each other and Ava I love you too.”

Andrew wrapped his arms around Kirsten as she looked out the window, “Did you speak to Ava?” Kirsten tugged on his arm tighter and replied, “I gave her my bear, I know it’s stupid…” Andrew cut her off, “I think that was a lovely thing you did she will like that.”

Jake lay on his old bed holding Kay and for a while they were silent until Jake asked, “Do you love me Kay?” Kay stayed still and replied, “I love you so much but why do you ask?”

“Today, at the funeral it just made me think that if you hadn’t been there…” Jake stopped talking for a few minutes then added, “I love you Kay and if you weren’t there I wouldn’t have coped like I had and I just wanted to say thanks.”

Kay moved to face Jake and smiled, “I would always be here for you, I mean you would do it for me.”

Jake wasn’t sure what to say other than, “I would be there for you. Here you are in this beautiful town and you haven’t seen any of it.”

“Maybe we can come back and you can show me around then.”

Dan found Laura upstairs, “Do you want to talk?”

“Did the doctors really do everything to save her?” Dan pulled her close to him, “They tried everything they could have, I asked that question a thousand times but the truth is we lost our daughter and nothing can ever bring her back.” Laura held on tight and said, “It really is goodbye isn’t it.”

“It is but one day we will be together again. However I want us to live the rest of our lives enjoying the children we have because one day they will have kids of their own and I don’t know about you but I don’t want to miss that.” Laura pulled away from Dan and said, “I will always miss Ava but I don’t want to miss seeing what Kirsten and Jake get up to and I can’t wait to be a grandparent because to have a newborn in the family would be wonderful.”