1.33 After 10 years

Spencer dumped his bag in Matt’s room. He freshened up then left without finding Matt to say he’d arrived. Spencer made enquires to find out what time Tracy finished. At first they wouldn’t tell him but after he turned on his charms the new receptionist told him she finished at 5pm. He parked the car at 4.30pm and waited outside. 

As the clock neared Tracy’s finish time Spencer’s stomach was knotting up at the thought of seeing her again after all this time.

When his watch read 5 o’clock he became more anxious and started just looking at the doors then his watch said 5 minutes past five and he started thinking, ‘Come on Trac, what’s keeping you?” Finally it was ten minutes past and the thought that he may have got it wrong or missed her made him panic slightly. Suddenly he heard her voice as the automatic doors opened; he stood against the wall and watched her as she came into sight. 

She was as beautiful as he remembered, her voice was like music to his ears and those eyes he could just drown in. As Tracy went past he remembered his original pick up line and even though it was lame even back then, it got her attention and a date. He wanted to make their reunion pleasant rather than horrible. “Cute ass.” Tracy froze on the spot while a million thoughts raced through her mind, ‘I know that voice. It can’t be Spenc, it just can’t.’ She turned around staying glued to the spot and saw the man she had only ever loved and then she said, “That was always a bad pickup line.”

Spencer stepped forward a little and replied, “If it’s so bad why did it get your attention twice?” Tracy heart was pounding as she looked at Spencer, “I hear you are engaged?” He ignored the question, “Have you helped Mathew?”

“Yes and he saw me…” Tracy stopped as she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. “Can we talk, Tracy?” She became nervous and wondered why he would not say he was engaged. Suddenly she started to fidget; Spencer tried to step closer towards her but nervous at what she might do if he came any closer. Tracy blurted out, “I have to go. I hope you and your fiancée will be very happy.” She struggled at first to get into her car but managed to get in before Spencer reached her. He ran to his car and started to follow her then he said to himself, ‘Talk to me god damn it. We need to talk.” He saw her pull up at a house and waited till she was at the door. 

He ran across the road up her drive and shouted, “Tracy we need to talk.” She didn’t turn around but said, “Please Spencer just go.”

“I need answers.” Tracy still facing the door, “Just go, please.” She walked inside shutting the door behind her then slid to the floor. 

Spencer knew this trick of hers all too well and sat the other side of the door and said, “I’m not leaving until we talk.” He heard her cries through the door, “What do you want to talk about, Spencer?”

“I tried to find you for a few years to apologise about everything. I should never have done time. I should have got a job and put my family first but we were young and the naïve me thought I knew better.”

“I thought you loved me and wanted to make a life together? Do you know all I ever wanted was to be your wife and a mother?”

“I know; I messed up. I should have stuck to the bar work I’d gotten when I came out. I still love you.”

“What is she like?” Spencer heart was breaking, “Why do you want to know?”

“Well this woman achieved something I never could, a ring. She must be extraordinary to get you to propose. Do you have children with her?”

Spencer sighed, “She is a great person but I keep putting off setting the date” 

The door opened and Tracy walked out trembling and softly asked, “Why won’t you set a date?” Spencer got to his feet and quickly Tracy firmly said, “Keep your distance.” Spencer replied, “You are the reason. When I finally knew where you were something inside just felt right but I needed to confirm this by seeing you face to face.” Tracy started to fidget again, “You aren’t free as you belong to another.”

“I’m going to break it off because knowing my true feelings are with you, I can’t marry her. It would be unfair to her.” 

She walked back inside and Spencer followed her, “Are you seeing anyone?” Tracy shook her head and answered, “I have no other children either.” Spencer got even closer to Tracy, “Please you need to leave.” He ignored her and asked, “Tracy how do you feel about me?” She closed her eyes and her mind was screaming, “Hold me, kiss me and that will tell you how I feel. When she spoke she replied, “You still belong to another so we can’t discuss this.”

“Stop saying that please and tell me.”

“If you mean what you say then do the right thing by your fiancée and sort things out there.” Tracy knew he had to do the right thing and if she let him kiss her then she would be allowing him to commit adultery and this was something she strongly did not like, people who cheated on their partners. Regardless of how she felt she wanted him free before she would admit the truth. 

Spencer left the house longing to stay with Tracy but as always she was right, he had to do the right thing. When he turned around he saw Paris standing there and thought, ‘Shit she followed me.'

“Who is she? How long have you been seeing her? Matt was just an excuse to see her, wasn’t he?”

“The woman is Mathew’s Mum. This is the first time I’ve seen her in ten years and Mathew has never been an excuse.”

“I saw the way you looked at her; you are in love with her, aren’t you?” Spencer didn’t need to say anything as it was written all over his face. 

Tracy had heard raised voices and looked out of the window and saw a woman shout at Spencer, ‘She must be his fiancée. She doesn’t look happy.’

“Can we talk somewhere else?” Paris was furious and said, “No.” 

She went and banged on the door. Tracy opened the door and let her in and Spencer mouthed sorry as he followed behind. “I’m Paris, Spencer’s fiancée and you are?” Tracy hated arguing and began to feel very uncomfortable, “I’m Tracy, Mathews Mum.”

“How long have you been seeing my fiancée?”

“Paris, he turned up at my door 30 minutes ago, we spoke then he left.” Paris decided to come clean, “When you said you were leaving to see Mathew instinct told me you were lying. I followed you and saw you talking to her outside the hospital then you got in your car and came here. The way you look at her,” 

Paris sat down and continued, “You’ve never given me that look. I have often wondered why we were engaged for years. Most people get engaged and start planning their wedding but no, not us. We don’t even have a place of our own as we still live with Heather. 

Tracy went to leave by the front door but Paris followed her and demanded to know, “Do you love him?”

“I don’t think I should answer that.” Paris yelled, “You are going to answer because I need to know the truth. Now do you love Spencer?” Tracy buried her head in her hands and through tears shouted, “Yes I love him, happy now. I’ve never stopped but he’s with you now and nothing has gone on between us because I hate cheaters.” 

Paris turned to Spencer and asked, “Your look outside told me but I want to hear you say it out loud, do you love Tracy?” Spencer started to fidget, “Paris, please…” Paris yelled at him, “Don’t lie to me now.”

“I love her with all my heart, I have done since the day I first saw her.” Paris had tears streaming down her face and quietly asked, “Did you ever love me?”

“I still do but not in the way you deserve. I never wanted to tell you like this.” Paris held back the tears long enough to say, “I saw it with my own eyes and I can’t be the one that stands in the way of what you really want. I’m very hurt and upset but I’ll get over it.”

“I hope you find someone, Paris.”

“I will one day and hopefully he will look at me like you look at Tracy. Take care of Spencer, Tracy.” She looked at Paris without saying a word and watched Paris leave. 

Spencer went after Paris and said, “For what it’s worth I am sorry.” Paris just got into her car and drove off without looking back.

Spencer went back inside and smiled at Tracy. She softly said to Spencer, “I feel guilty; you find me and in one day all hell breaks loose.” Spencer just nodded in agreement as couldn’t answer her. As he looked around her home he asked, “I don’t mean to be rude but your furniture is basic. You have a good job, why?”

“Did you ever see the joint account?” Spencer looked puzzled and shook his head. “I have been paying a 1,000 in there every month since I left for Mathew’s upbringing.”

Spencer replied, “I used some money from the account for a few months until I got a job but never checked the balance. I took your name off the account but never looked at it again. Mathew is an adult now are you still paying into the account?”

“He’s my son and I felt guilty so I paid most of what I earned into the account.”

“How much do you earn, Trac?”

“1,750 a month, I pay bills, feed myself then pay into the account. You have never touched it?”

“Not for about nine years, shit Trac, you have lived on the bread line for our son? Most people who pay maintenance pay if the kid is lucky, a 100 a month.” Tracy got really upset, “I just felt bad and thought I didn’t deserve a good life after leaving. The only person I’ve dated is you.” Spencer was stunned, “You mean you’ve never…since us?”

Tracy just nodded without saying anything. “Wow, I thought you would have had…” Tracy finished his sentence, “Slept with someone else? No, the last person was you ten years ago. I have been asked out but refused every guy that’s asked.”

“I treated you so badly…” 

Tracy sat next to him and replied, “You never treated me badly, Spenc. I just wanted you home instead of in prison. That was why I left not for any other reason. What happens now?”

“That is up to you. I’ll stay if you want me too.” 

Tracy got up as she couldn’t look at him, “You know how feel about you but Mathew needs to know what is going on. I can’t lie to him or hide things from him. You need to talk to him.”

“No Trac, we need to talk to him.”